♐ Once upon a time, a man (David James Oswald) walked down a windy English street. A rather large leaf picked that exact moment to slap him in the face, and he stumbled out into the middle of the street. A woman (Elena Alison Oswald) just so happened to be on the sidewalk and witnessed this happen. Her initial impulse - that of laughing - changed in an instant when she noticed a car heading straight for the young gentleman. The woman, Ellie, ran into the street and saved the man, David, and it was love at first sight. He would go on to prove it by gifting her with the very leaf that blew in his face.
♐ Clara Oswin is born several years later. Her parents were loving to her and each other, and it was the kind of childhood that most people dream of. She got lost, she played on swings, she talked to funny men in bow ties. One important thing of note was that her mother gave her a book, 101 Places to See, in which Ellie kept the leaf that Dave had given her. It was a happy childhood.
♐ At least until 2005, when Clara was sixteen, her mother died (5 March 2005). Both her father and herself grieved hard, and it was then that the outgoing and feisty Clara Oswald first began to tame herself. The experience of losing her mother, who she was so absolutely fond of, left a scar so deep that it still figures in her actions. (Since we're not sure if HOW she died was affected by the Doctor, I'd like to keep this open)
♐ A few years later, Clara went off to university. Being a remarkably clever girl, she sailed through university rather easily, and because of the book her mother gave her - and her own adventurous nature - she had decided she was going to go traveling. Hop on a train or a boat and head over to France. Backpack through, sleep in hostels. The week before she was scheduled to leave, she stayed with some old family friends - the Maitlands - when the matriarch of the family died quite suddenly. Knowing how devastated the children would be, Clara put off her travels and became a live in nanny to Artie and Angie. And before she knew it, a whole year passed.
♐ London 2013. Clara is having some internet issues. Sadly, she knows absolutely nothing about computers, and gets a number from a girl in a shop for "the best helpline out there. In the universe." The phone, as it turns out, is the number to the TARDIS, where the Doctor has spent much time in 1207 in a monestary trying to ponder the mystery of Clara Oswald and why he can't find her again. He doesn't realize that the girl on the other end of the phone is the woman he's been looking for until she recites her mnemonic to remember the house wi-fi password. Cue the Doctor turning up on her doorstep and frantically knocking on the door. Clara's not buying any of this nonsense, and she's weirded out by the computer tech suddenly turning up so quickly. She won't let him in, which ends up with Clara being downloaded - partially - the Great Intelligence's network. The Doctor manages to save her and look after her with biscuits and tea and a blanket, and while Clara's touched, she's still way too weirded out by everything.
♐ And now she has the whole of the internet's knowledge of computers in her head. Which comes in handy when trying to hack and find where all the downloaded people go. Unfortunately, aliens are much better hackers and Clara gets downloaded completely this time. The Doctor, furious that Clara has seemingly died again, goes on a rampage and ends up getting Mrs. Kizlet sucked up into the network. Everyone gets uploaded back into their bodies, and the Great Intelligence wipes the minds of all its employees so that no answers can be given.
♐ The Doctor offers a spot in the TARDIS for Clara to travel. No one will ever know she was gone, because he can bring her right back to this moment. Clara isn't quite so sure as her Victorian counter-part, and tells him to come back the next day at 7pm sharp, and she'll give her answer. When he shows up, she's already waiting and hops aboard.
♐ Their first destination is something awesome, and the Doctor takes her to the inhabited rings of the planet Akhaten, where the Festival of Offerings is taking place. They travel in a market, where Clara gets her first taste of aliens, and while it's all a bit... well, alien.. Clara handles it well, even if she doesn't like the taste of the weird, glowing fruit. When offered a space moped, Clara wonders how much it costs, but the Doctor tells her that they don't take money here. They take objects of sentimental value. Clara doesn't like that, because things of sentimental value are more valuable to her than a renting a moped. When she suggests the Doctor give something since he's much older than she is, he can't do it. When he walks away when Clara's back is turned, and when she goes after him, she finds a distressed child who is running from adults. Unable to let her be upset, Clara follows her, and they end up talking behind the TARDIS (when it wouldn't let Clara in).
♐ When it's Merry's turn to sing the Long Song, the Chorister stops, which causes Merry to be seized by some kind of energy and pulled toward the pyramid. The Doctor and Clara refuse to walk away, even as all no one else in the audience tries to help her. They look uncomfortable and sad, sure, but no one does anything. They manage, eventually, to save Merry and the whole system and the universe because Clara gave up the most important leaf in human history. All the moments of a life never lived are greater than all the moments that existed, and as the leaf burns up, the Old God goes back to sleep for good.
♐ Next is the Doctor's first big OOPS when it comes to traveling. He had intended to take Clara on a small journey to Las Vegas, but unfortunately, they ended up on a Russian submarine in 1983 at the height of the Cold War. The submarine, unfortunately, has managed to bring an Ice Warrior from Mars out of the depths of the ocean. The Russians think it's an American weapon, but the Doctor flat out tells them it's a big green man from Mars. Disbelieving, they are a lot of arguments, and in the end, the Ice Warrior has left his suit. He has nothing left to lose, you see. If he's been buried in the ice for 5000 years, then his family (and people) are long gone. Just as Skaldak is prepared to send the planet into world war, his people show up to claim him. In the end, Skaldak's better nature won out, and he left the planet in peace.
♐ Clariburn House. A legendary ghost. 1974. With a little jiggery pokery, the psychic paper, and some skilled lying, the Doctor manages to weasel his way into Professor Alec Palmer's house, to help with the ghost problem. It turns out that the ghost isn't a ghost at all, but a time traveler named Hila who is stuck in a pocket universe that is collapsing. Once they rescue her, the Doctor reveals to Emma Grayling - but not Clara - that he really brought them there to Clariburn House for Clara to see Emma. Emma confesses that all she sensed was that Clara is a normal, ordinary girl. There is nothing unusual about her.
♐ The next episode made me mad, so let's just say that Clara found out a lot about the Time War, the Doctor's name, and she finds out that he has met her multiple times and is terrified of her and what it might possibly mean. He doesn't understand her and how she has died and been born to normal parents and had a normal life. Clara isn't too thrilled with the revelations, but the Doctor hits a goddamn reset button on the whole thing, resetting Clara's memory and erasing all of what she knew. Fuck you, Moffat.
♐ There's a whole thing where Clara goes into the Doctor's timestream to save him, which splits her into a million pieces. Those pieces of her were not entirely whole, but they did what they needed to do: guide the Doctor or save him. It wasn't long until the Doctor jumped into his own timeline to save her (which is stupid because the Doctor specifically says that he can't, or the universe will implode because he's a timelord). But Moffat has him do it, and then never says anything about how they GET OUT of it. Whatever.
♐ Either way, they get out and Clara gets a job as a teacher at Coal Hill School. She struggles with teaching, as the kids aren't nearly as good and mindful as the Maitland kids, but she sticks it out and looks forward to her time off with the Doctor. As fate would have it, there's a thing in which it turns out that Gallifrey's not dead. They end up saving Gallifrey with the War Doctor and the 10th Doctor, and it was kind of cool but also kind of dumb. And then the other Doctor's forgot because Moffat.
♐ And then there was Trenzalore, and 11 because 12 after hundreds of years and him tricking her into going back home. It sucked, and I wanted to punch things. The new Doctor was kind of a douche, though, and Clara and him kept lying to one another because that's what women do, right Moffat? But whatever. She meets Danny Pink, and he's a soldier who left because he had PTSD and severe guilt over having killed a little boy accidentally. She got to meet Robin Hood, whom the Doctor assured her wasn't real, but surprise! He was. But he was also kind of a douche too.
♐ It gets worse though, because Danny and the Doctor don't like each other much and both keep trying to make her choose between them. It's not pretty. Clara, tired of the Doctor's patronizing attitude and having been abandoned by him one too many times to make "hard decisions" tells him to get lost and never come back. Though she never quite forgave the Doctor, she did come to understand that this was an addiction. Woops. Then she lied to Danny about being finished with the Doctor which is made of yuck, but I mean. Moffat.
♐ It all came to a head when she decided to come clean. Unfortunately, while on the phone with him, trying to talk to Danny, he was struck by a car and killed. A heartbroken Clara tried to blackmail the Doctor into saving Danny's life. Even to the point of her destroying TARDIS keys to get what she wanted. The Doctor, caring so much for Clara, decided to try and help and traced Danny to the 3W corporation, a mausoleum of water tanks holding dead people. Yeah, I don't know either. But it turned out that the president or whatever of 3W was Missy or rather The Master. Danny was in the Nethersphere, having been downloaded to it after death. Clara pretended to be the Doctor (and pretty convincingly) and poor Danny got downloaded into a cyberman body. Danny ended up sacrificing himself to save Clara (and the world by extension). Raging and upset, Clara decided to kill Missy for what she'd done. The Doctor decided to take that responsibility from Clara, but a rogue Cyberman disintegrated Missy. And then Danny returned, but only in voice as he returned the child he'd accidentally killed in combat. It meant that he was left in the Nethersphere and could never return. Clara and the Doctor met one last time and after a misunderstanding in which the Doctor thought Danny was back and Clara would stop traveling with him to have a life with him, she let him believe that when he told her he'd found Gallifrey.
♐ And then dream crabs, in which Clara finally gets closure with Danny and her and the Doctor reconcile, which is glorious. They got on a lot of adventures — including meeting Jane Austen, whom Clara has quite the special relationship with. They prank each other, and they make out, and Clara specifically says that she loves her — and that you can take that however you want to.
♐ The next year, she and the Doctor spend and awful lot of time together. Clara pretty much gives up her other hobbies, spending more and more of her time in the TARDIS, enjoying her trips. She grows more and more relaxed with the Doctor who has, according to Moffat, given into his feelings for Clara. They end up on Skaro when Missy asks Clara for help (in her weird, roundabout way) because the Doctor's confession dial's been given to Missy. Which means he thinks he's going to die. (Spoiler: he doesn't.) Turns out the Doctor did something stupid, promised to save a young Davros before he realized who he was. Oops. And Davros wants to repay the favor. Which would be awesome if Missy and Clara didn't get exterminated. The Doctor goes apeshit, but it turns out that Missy teleported them into the sewers which are full of old, crazy Daleks. Daleks go boom, and Missy tells the Doctor that Clara is dead, despite her actually being sat in a Dalek controlling it. She keeps trying to say that it's her, but the Dalek only says: EXTERMINATE. Finally, somehow, it says MERCY. Which gives the Doctor pause. It's Clara. Happy reunion!
♐ Then, off to Scotland 2119 where they met a whole bunch of murdering "ghosts" repeating coordinates. They captured the ghosts in a Faraday cage — after a lot of running around trying to get away from them. Clara and the Doctor got separated. Not her favorite day at all. Moments later, she saw a ghostly Doctor outside the underwater mining base's windows. Clara wasn't that thrilled, of course. Turns out it was actually just a hologram the Doctor created with his sonic sunglasses. In the end, it was a temporary paradox that fixed the whole thing, and the Doctor saved them by programming the TARDIS to come and collect them at a certain point in time. Yay.
♐ After a near-death experience with a Love Sprite in the Spider Mines, Clara and the Doctor landed to Earth where they were promptly captured by Vikings. MORE STUFF ABOUT FACING THE RAVEN AND THEN COMING BACK.
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